The Great Garden City 'Blackout'

Ah, Port Harcourt, River State, ain’t the Garden City it used to be. A drive through the ‘petropolis’ imparts that foreboding feeling of being watched by a legion of furtive eyes. With security road-blocks dotting major trunk roads, military stations hurriedly erected mid-city and the remnant expatriates only capable of traversing the city in herds, with busloads of military escort at all times, one would be forgiven to think he’d stepped into a state-of-emergency situation. Nightlife in particular is languishing fast in the absence of the foreign big-spenders. Call-girls have never had it so bad. Some are hightailing it to Lagos in droves, where major oil multinationals are said to be relocating. Clubs whose patronage drew heavily from these riggers are closing shop permanently, while others have had to lose a star or two in standards to accommodate the locales and stay in business. A cheerless chore, recounting the downgrade in affairs, especially when one is conversant with what a bustling, breezy fair exploring the city’s seedy suburbia was acclaimed to be (Who, me? I haven’t the slightest idea).

Another industry suffering a serious setback due to the Great Garden City ‘Blackout’ is the infamous abduction racket. Practitioners who just joined the kidnapping business have been sorely distraught to discover that there are no oil expatriates left for easy picking. The result has been a resorting to desperate measures. No longer interested to operate under the guise of ‘freedom-fighting militants’, these man-hunting malefactors are now snatching any human that even remotely reeks of value, grabbing mulatto kids on their way to school, indigenous company managers heading home from church and foreign construction engineers at building sites (I wonder when they’ll start plucking off albinosJ). The latter scenarios recently involved an Elf company manager, Mr Peter Aguma, abducted on his way home from Sunday service, and a Pakistani engineer, who was nabbed while at a construction site in Ogoniland. With options fast thinning out, even relatives of government officials have been targeted. Two weeks ago, armed men beached commando-style on an island in Yenogoa, Bayelsa state, where the Deputy Speaker’s mother was abducted and a message left behind requesting substantial ransom money. The following week the ordeal was repeated, this time involving the Rivers State Governor’s mother. There are political connotations however to these latest events – and haven’t there always been, if one may ask? The crows, it would seem, are coming home to roost.

Needless to say, robbed of steady ransom income, Garden City criminals have resumed their day-job on the streets. Street stick-ups and burglaries have soared – but with a slight elevation in style, it would seem. Recently, a gentleman exited a shopping mall to find his recently purchased Peugeot 206 coupe missing. Expectantly, the fella was devastated, prancing about in panic without a clue what to do. It so happens he’d forgotten his cellphone in the passenger seat, so he hustled to a pay-phone booth and rang it. Starting off with a nervous “Hello,” he waited with bated breath for a response – and was pleasantly surprised. The carjackers calmly acknowledged that they were the robbers that took his car, but that it had only served as a get-away for another operation entirely. It would be parked at So-and-so Street, they said, with the car keys deposited under it, as they weren’t interested in keeping the admittedly low-priced car. Apparently, robbers have taste, too…

PS: On a sad note, it has been reported that the father of the first mulatto child abductee, Margaret, recently died of kidney complications. It is said that he was to travel overseas for medical check-up on his condition before his daughter was kidnapped and the trip had to be delayed, with funds intended for the impending operation diverted to pay the ransom. Meanwhile, it’s become a dog-eat-dog situation on the streets of Port Harcourt with rival militant gangs gunning down each other - to ratchet down the competition, it would seem. Government media is however calling these gunfights the handiwork of varsity cultists. Now, someone enlighten me: why, if these are cult clashes, have no shoot-outs been witnessed on college campuses? Is it just me, or do I smell cover up?